the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize