lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
