meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
