She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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