This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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