I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
