So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
i jhust puked up my retainher.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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