So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
