he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize