I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
