sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
