Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
