i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Four minutes until I can fart!
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Randomize
