bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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