Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
