My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
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