That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
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