i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Randomize
