woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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