Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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