My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
He told me they were just razor bumps!
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
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