I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
