I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
