Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Randomize
