I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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