and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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