Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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