there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Randomize