I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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