If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Randomize
