I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Randomize
