it wasn't lemon gatorade
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Randomize
