We named our party play list daddy issues
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
