When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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