this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
