i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
