I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I want you more than these girls want KFC
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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