no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
