she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Everclear isn't food dammit
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
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