He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
