before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I can't trust your balls anymore.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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