I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize