he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
