Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
