Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
