my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
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