I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
