Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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