i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Randomize
