I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Randomize
