Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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