We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
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