you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
this just has baby written all over it
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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