I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
