I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
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