For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize