shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
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