since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
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