Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
