Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
