At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Randomize
