the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Randomize
