halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
