i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
