so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
