Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I booty called her while she was in labor.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
