we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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