i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
