This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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