May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
