we have officially lost it.
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Randomize
