I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Randomize
