Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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