I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
