I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
