well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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