I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
