More tranny stories later!
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I have aggressive nipples.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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