so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
