At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
