I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
