i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Randomize