I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
