I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Randomize
