We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
