Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
i may or may not be watching the land before time
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
