I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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