I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
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