Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
