I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Randomize
