your thong is hanging out like whoa
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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