If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Randomize
