So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
