You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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