I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
