What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Blow job season was short but glorious.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
