you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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