And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
