They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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