So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize