I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
