I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
