I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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