we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
the liver wants what the liver wants
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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