I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize