exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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