dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
