I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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