I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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