so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
