This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
