I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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