Everything about him screamed your future.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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