Don't you send me to vm
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
