I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
