I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
