Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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