like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
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