Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Randomize
